A bed can be for more than just sleep and sex. It’s can also be a place and opportunity to increase the togetherness of your relationship. When managing the stresses of daily life, it can become easy to give up something seemingly simple, such as going to bed at the same time as your partner. Sometimes working at home may keep one partner up; or maybe one wants to watch something on tv while the other is tired and wants to go to bed; or maybe one just prefers to spend more time awake late at night reading or getting other things done while the other prefers an earlier bed time; and so on.
How bedtime is handled within a relationship can become symbolic of the overall nature of a relationship. It’s common for some couples who don’t go to bed together to feel out of sync in other areas of the relationship as well. This doesn’t mean that going to bed separately is the cause of other issues, but going to bed together can provide the opportunity to increase togetherness and actually repair some issues.
While there are exceptions, couples who go to bed separately tend to have less sex, less overall affection, and less meaningful communication and satisfaction.
Couples who previously went to bed separately and then start a routine of going to bed together have reported noticing their relationship is overall more in sync. They report more of a sense of connectedness, communication, and affection. And these emotional states have a tendency to spread to other ares of the relationship in a positive way. Couples have found meaning simply in the idea that no matter the nature of the daytime routines, that they end the day together.
The Bedtime Routine
If you currently find yourself going to bed separately from your partner and want to make a change, a good place to start is with the bedtime routine (brushing teeth, changing clothes, etc.). Some couples have found that getting in sync with their bedtime routines increases their sense of togetherness. This allows for communication and conversation about the day, the children, families, your relationship, or any other areas of conversation. Some even have cited the bedtime routine as a good time to add playfulness to the relationship, which helps set the environment for intimacy.
Make it Unique
Some couples like to use bedtime with their partners to add new elements of togetherness that adds positive affect to their relationship. Here are some examples of how people have used bedtime as an opportunity for increased closeness:
- Cuddle and talk
- Crossword puzzles or other games (word searches, Mad Libs, Sudoku, etc.)
- Massages
- Planning (vacations, activities for family or relationship, sharing dreams and goals)
- Reading together
- Movies or tv in bed
- Dessert in bed
The list has room to grow with any amount of creativity you’d like to put into your relationship. Overall, the hope is to create a daily space for you and your partner to share time together that is free of distractions. How you use that space is up to you. This alone can increase positive sentiment and togetherness to a relationship.
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