Infidelity shows up in a significant number of relationships. While at times it may happen more suddenly, there are certain unhealthy relationship indicators that can be more likely over time to lead to infidelity if not addressed. Here are some symptoms that a relationship is moving away from connection and intimacy:
Communication Breakdown
Open communication is one of the most important elements of a healthy relationship. When communication falters, it can start to erode trust, and emotional distance grows. When communication breaks down, you and your partner may avoid difficult conversations, potentially leading to disconnect and unresolved conflicts.
Unsettled Disputes
Repeated arguments and unresolved conflicts can also be red flags for potential future infidelity. When couples fail to address issues constructively, these unresolved conflicts stay silently in the relationship, which tends to create and increase emotional distance and puts a strain on the relationship. This disconnect may eventually lead to one (or even both) partners seeking connection outside of the relationship.
Lack of Effort in the Relationship
When one partner stops investing in the relationship, it can be a sign that the relationship is growing distant. You might notice communication dwindling, quality time becoming harder to come by, or waning interest in each other’s lives. This lack of effort can manifest as neglecting your partner or time together, avoiding conversations, or showing general indifference to your partner’s needs. This lack of effort can be a sign that connection and intimacy is struggling or missing.
Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity can often be a precursor to sexual infidelity. Emotional infidelity usually happens when communication and intimacy has eroded in a relationship, and you or your partner starts finding the connection, communication, and validation happening with someone outside of your relationship. This outside person can end up fulfilling the voids of your current relationship, and leads to increasing intimacy with people outside of your relationship. Eventually, emotional infidelity can lead to physical infidelity if the connection and intimacy isn’t recovered within your relationship.
Being Secretive
While privacy is necessary and important in relationships, excessive secrecy can be a concern. If your partner suddenly becomes guarded or consistently vague about their life or what they are doing when outside of home or work, it’s something to keep an eye on, especially if there’s an unwillingness to communicate about the change. The same also goes for if you notice yourself keeping secrets and becoming more guarded, which can be worth understanding. While there can be other reasons for secrets at times, if the change is either sudden or ongoing, and if you’re noticing a significant distance in your relationship happening as well, it can be a sign that the relationship is suffering.
It’s worth noting that secrecy doesn’t always mean infidelity, but either way excessive secrecy is a concerning symptom for the future health of a relationship.
Narcissistic Tendencies
People with narcissistic tendencies often crave validation and admiration from others. You may notice your partner constantly seeking attention, looking for excessive validation for their achievements, or showing a lack of empathy. They might also struggle with constructive criticism and display an exaggerated sense of self-importance. While these qualities can often come from deep insecurities, emotional neglect, and pain that needs to be addressed, this combination of traits can lead to a higher risk of infidelity as people with narcissistic tendencies can get caught up in seeking validation, fulfillment, and approval from others.
Lack of Sexual Intimacy
A lack of sexual intimacy in a relationship can be a concern for potential infidelity. When physical connection wanes, partners may feel unfulfilled and seek sexual connection and intimacy elsewhere.
It’s important to note that reduced sexual activity doesn’t automatically lead to infidelity. Temporary dips in sexual connection are common at different times in relationships. However, if the sexual disconnect continues without showing signs of recovering, then this should be addressed.
Struggles with Boundaries
Respect for personal space is essential in a healthy relationship. When one partner disregards these boundaries by invading privacy or constantly monitoring the other, it can breed resentment, distrust, and even feel suffocating . This can lead a partner to feel constrained in the relationship and result in looking for autonomy outside of the relationship if these issues aren’t addressed.
Addressing the Warning Signs and Moving Forward
While no single issue above means infidelity is happening, the more of these that are at play the more concerning this is for the intimacy and connection of your relationship. It is possible to address and restore connection, trust, and intimacy in your relationship with some help before it gets to that point (and even if it has reached that point).
If you’re looking to work on your own struggles in relationship therapy, you can reach out either for an individual consultation, or for a referral to a couples therapist.
