What is love?
This is a heavily debated topic. People often try to define love in terms of feelings of euphoria in relationships, however many tend to use the word “love” 
so loosely that it’s almost become too abstract to have any specific meaning or definition. We can say we “love” anything, but what does that love really mean to us? What are the emotions and qualities that define feeling “love”? Understanding our personal definition of love is important in finding meaningful intimate relationships.
In an attempt to bring some light-heartedness to an often deeper and more serious blog, let’s look at some of the different ways the feeling of “love” is experienced:
1. I LOVE chocolate
This is the food or “taste buds love”. When eating something that tastes overwhelmingly good, you may feel a physical and emotional body satisfaction and that keeps you fully present. This could be love of a sort, but chocolate won’t text to say it misses you during the day.
2. I LOVE this song
This is auditory love. These sounds and melodies bring us emotionally back to significant memories in our lives. Music can serve as a sort of bookmark to open an emotional link to a place in the past. Music can also be emotional in the present and help release various emotions. Music is great and can be very moving, but you can’t talk about your day to a song.
3. I LOVE your shirt
This is the visual love. We see something that resonates with us and we connect with it — somewhat like a painting or a nice view. We may become emotionally moved by something we see. A beautiful view is certainly enjoyable, but it won’t go with you to the movies.
4. I LOVE my new phone
This is the feeling of comfort, excitement, and convenience when you can be connected to your friends, social media, games, music, and more all in one little electronic object that fits in your pocket. The immediate access the phone gives you may make you feel good. However, if you need a hug, the phone can only do so much.
5. I LOVE the smell of chocolate chip cookies
This is the love of (good) smell — to also include things like perfume, cologne, pizza, or freshly-baked bread. When the source is a food (like cookies) this can be linked with taste, since our senses of taste and smell are linked. With food, the scent brings an anticipation of everything in #1 above. Things like food, incense, perfumes, or essential oils can can be comforting and relaxing, and may also be an emotional bookmark to the past. The feeling of comfort is significant with love, however you can’t have a meaningful conversation with the smell of cookies.
6. I LOVE [insert sports team here]
This is vicarious love — also includes tv shows and anything else that involves a bit of fantasy, an escape hatch from the present, or living vicariously. These bring us entertainment, but may also develop attachments and a form of allegiance and dedication. You may begin to identify with players or characters or the storylines or competition, and it draws you in with great anticipation and excitement of what’s going to happen next. There may be a part of you that wants to be in the shoes of the people you’re watching, living in the roles they play and having an impact on the outcome. Sports and tv are wonderful entertainment, however it’s hard to imagine making love with a tv.
7. I LOVE my mother
Family love — the unconditional love, care, comfort, bond, and many other emotions that we feel with family. It’s a different form of love than you have with a significant other, even though there are some similar properties as well. Family members and significant others may care for you when you’re sick, and you may certainly share genuine love with your family, but you most likely won’t be sharing any romantic dinners with your mother/father. (Not to take away from the meaning of family love, but this post is more geared towards defining love in romantic relationships).
8. I LOVE YOU
This is the love we search for in a partner — intimate relationship love. This love is often sensationalized in movies and in life, but the attachments are strong and real. There is a pretty deep psychology to what helps define love (and, as always, is debatable, as the definition is different from one person to the next). But either way, this is the love where you feel you’ve found a partner you want to share your life experiences with, and may feel compelled to go the extra mile to make the other feel special and cared for, while hoping to receive mutual caring and sharing in the relationship. There are many qualities that can fit into the definition of intimate love, which is for each of you to figure out, whether on your own or in your therapy.
There are several other fun and serious definitions we could find for love, but this is enough for now. The above isn’t to suggest saving the word “love” only for situations involving romantic love, but the hope is to become more attuned to your own feelings and gain a deeper understanding of what it is that draws you to something, or someone.
